My Own Max Gentry
by Athena465
Summary: She thought she was away from it. She thought her past was over. Now, after a heated argument, Deeks disappears with no trace until a video arrives with a note: Come out, come out where ever you are Hayden Burns. Now Kensi's darkest secret threatens her teams trust in her and threatens Deeks' life...her everything. The fight to find stolen love can be a bloody one. (2 authors)
1. My Own Max Gentry

**Hello everybody! Myself and ****lovedanniruah****have partnered up to write a new story ****and I must say that we came up with one hell of a story. I am so glad to be writing a story with her so go check her out… after you read this of course lol.**

**-A. Grayson**

**Hello to my fellow NCIS:LA fan girls and guys! Like Athena465 said, we're writing a story together! And I'm pretty sure it's going to be a rollercoaster of awesome, emotions, Densi and a whole bunch of other things! Let me just say, she is an amazing writer and I'm so happy to work with her.**

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**lovedanniruah**

She thought she was away from it. She thought her past was over. Now, after a heated argument, Deeks disappears with no trace until a video arrives with a note: Come out, come out where ever you are Hayden Burns. Now Kensi's darkest secret threatens her teams trust in her and threatens Deeks' life…her everything. The fight to find a stolen love can be a dark and bloody one.

**Chasing Max**

Chapter 1

Kensi knew that when a page from Ops came at 4 in the morning, it didn't tend to be good. She'd another episode; a dream… a nightmare really, about walking on the beach with her dad enjoying the sound of the powerful ocean roaring in her ears but it quickly transformed into the hell hole where she was held in Afghanistan and her father became one of the torturers.

It ended up in her waking up screaming and sobbing, remembering only the crack of the whip…the smell of her own blood and the once comforting laugh of her father turned sinister. Her neighbor came over to see if she was alright and that she was safe. Kensi nodded and said it was just a nightmare; she needed the nosy woman to leave her to her demons. None of her neighbors knew she'd been a prisoner of war, none of them really noticed that she'd left and it was only now that they pretended to care, to be good neighbors. Only the shaggy blonde guy that sometimes came over knew…really knew just how messed up she is, but he wasn't here, she wasn't sure if he would ever be here, with her, again. Not after everything she said…

Kensi shook herself from her thoughts and dried her tears and read the message OPS NOW. She changed out of her pajamas into a clean plaid button up shirt, jeans and black boots, grabbed her gun and left the house.

The entire drive to OSP was filled with mages from her dream…the beatings…the name calling… when she pulled up she took a deep breath and pushed her door open with a little too much force.

She wasn't surprised that Deeks didn't call her by now. No one had called her, except the page that came. As she ran into the Mission, she only saw Sam arrive with bags under his eyes, and Callen wasn't there.

Kensi's eyes were still partially red and her face set in a scowl, and the ex-Seal noticed. "You okay Kens?"

"Fine, just-"

"Afghanistan?" interrupted Sam she did not say anything just glared at him. He cleared his throat before saying, "You think Callen's snuggling with Joelle at the moment?"

"Probably." laughed Kensi, some of the tension leaving her shoulders. She looked around as she and Sam climbed the stairs. "Have you seen Deeks?"

"Nope. Got here 5 minutes ago, I'm sure he'll be here soon." Kensi wasn't so sure though. Maybe that argument was too much…Maybe it was all too much.

_The Friday before, they went to a little café; Kensi according to Deeks needed sugar and fast. The conversation flowed with tension just beneath the surface, the same tension from the whole Angelo fiasco. While they were drinking their cappuccinos and Kensi picking at her donut, Deeks saw a man charge a woman attempting to take her purse._

_Without a word Deeks stood up and charged after the man with Kensi not far behind. Kensi grabbed Deeks arm as he woman thanked him profusely and attempted to give him her number she rushed them out of there, since people would want pictures or the news crews would come._

_When they got back to his place they got into a huge petty fight about keeping their covers and that he shouldn't…couldn't do stuff like that anymore, but Deeks swore it was because she was jealous that the woman gave him her number. Claiming he was a shallow jackass Kensi left driving angrily all the way to her place._

A voice dragged her from her thoughts. "Good, you're here." said Nell, whose eyes were teary, putting both Kensi and Sam on alert. Callen stood next to Nell his voice full of concern. Nell pressed a few keys on her computer and a picture of Deeks, a picture of two men, and a video file popped up.

"On Sunday night, NCIS LAPD liaison, Martin Deeks was abducted by who we believe are-"

"The Bergh Group," sighed Kensi. "I recognize the logo on that man's arm..." Sam looked at her but she kept staring at the video still, her jaw clenched so tight it was painful and her arms crossed. She knew what she was going to have to do. What she needed to do. She was to become one of her own version of Max Gentry. She couldn't fall back into her past; not when she had barely recovered last time.

"You know who they are?" asked Nell, looking at her friend's face.

"Yes, they're what you call a 'sophisticated' gang. They send out men or women to do anything for high prices; assassinations, kidnappings, soldiers for hire, you name it. They deal in drugs, weapons, cars and woman, both of age and young. No one's ever had evidence of them ever committing these crimes. What's the other video?"

No one said anything. Nell just clicked play. "This was found in Deeks email account…this may be graphic Kens."

"Just play the damn video Nell," she growled.

The next moments were terrible for the OSP elite team. Kensi moved farther from Sam and Callen, her blood ran cold, her heart stopped beating when she saw him…

There was Deeks, being held with a knife at his throat, with a man wearing a mask with a voice distorter. "Tell them." said the man behind Deeks his voice was cold and detached. Blood was seeping through his shirt, his face was bruised, and he struggled to speak against the knife against his throat.

Kensi took a step closer to the screen looking up at the enlarged face of Marty Deeks…her everything. She knew what they wanted…what they would do to get it.

"They want a Hayden Burns. They want Hayden Burns to meet them at the disclosed location. They want her to talk to the Boss… Hayden, you know what to do. Or…or else, they kill me." There was fear in his voice and most shocking, in his eyes. Her Marty Deeks wasn't afraid of anything….

The video didn't end, no, instead Deeks was taken off camera, and it was his screams against the echoing walls visible that continued to ring throughout OPS. Kensi felt her eyes become teary, and a cold fear at what was about to happen, engulf her. she felt unnamed arms wrap around her, but she didn't push away, no she tried to pretend they were his…that none of this was happening…that she wouldn't have to dig up her darkest parts of herself

No, no, no. She thought she was done with TBG forever. She didn't want to ever become Hayden Burns again. But in order for Deeks to survive, she knew had to…she wanted nothing than to wake up from this nightmare.

"Kens it is alright, we will find this Hayden and talk to her… We will get him back," said Sam, still hugging her. "We will find him."

She couldn't hear him all she could remembered was that case a few years before she started working with Hetty. When she came back she was so scared, depressed after she was pulled from the case. She wasn't cleared to work in the field until 3 months after, that is where she met Nate and when she found a new job at NCIS Special Projects…she just remembered being so angry during the case…

She pushed away. "I'm going to talk to Hetty." Kensi ran downstairs, without looking at the big screen.

The little woman was sitting at her desk, obviously deep in thought a file spread out before her, looking up when she saw Kensi walk towards her.

"Hetty, you know I want nothing more than to save Marty but…you saw what happened last time I was her, she makes Gentry look like a fucking saint for god sakes." she said…

"Ms. Blye you don't…"

"But that is the thing Hetty," I shrug. "Deeks would become Max if it was me…but you have to promise me something." Her boss looked into her female agents mismatched eyes; they were filled with the blossoming anger of Hayden Burns.

"And what is that Ms. Blye?"

"If, at any point you think that Hayden has completely taken over you eliminate me…"

"Ms. Blye…"

"Hetty!" I yell, already falling into Hayden's anger…rage. "You know what happened last time, the mess I made…the things I did… if at any point you think Kensi Blye ceases to exist you eliminate me. You kill me…"


	2. Her Perverse Pleasure

**Hey guys, lovedanniruah, or N.T here. We first wanted to thank all of you for following, favorite, reviewing and reading this story. We hope you're as excited as we are! We got big stuff coming and I will be open to prompts. This chapter will end at- well, why don't you read and see?**

**-lovedanniruah**

**Hey my peeps we have another chapter! Thank you all for reading and taking the time to review, reading them really just makes my day. As lovedanniruah said we have lots of plans for this story and I am loving the direction we are taking. With that said we decided on a title change. Please read, follow, fav, leave a review. **

**-A. Grayson**

**Her Perverse Pleasure**

Chapter 2

Kensi walked upstairs and went into the safe where all her stuff was. She dug through, until she reached the old tattered cardboard box which she before hoped would disappear. She sat it on a table and just looked at it…her breath quickened and Kensi swore she could hear that sinister laugh that was Hayden Burns. Taking a settling breath she reached over and opened the box to her past…to the darkest part of her.

In the box, were Hayden's sunglasses; Gucci, the ones Antonio, one of the workers there, gave to her, her license, credit cards, and her gun. It pained her to look at it, all the memories that swirled in her head…the long nights of beating people just for the hell of it, the sick pleasure she felt the sound of cracking bones…

What truly scared Kensi was not that Burns enjoyed being…evil, it was that small piece of Kensi that remained that enjoyed it too; the thrill of being of being on the other side of the law when she was supposed to be the good guy. She rarely thought about her time with the Bergh Group, she couldn't risk falling back into the perverse pleasure, but it was always there, in the black hole of her mind.

And that's who Hayden was; a black hole that was almost impossible to get out of; impossible to control.

Picking up the box she crept down stairs and when she saw no one, put Hayden's box under her desk and leaning her bag against it. Then she sat down, and enjoyed the last few hours she had as Kensi Blye…maybe being a Blye for the last time.

Hetty sent Sam and Callen on a somewhat wild goose chase in finding 'Hayden Burns', but she assured Kensi that she erased any mention everywhere but on paper files pushed far, far back in the archives room.

"One week Ms. Blye, one week and then your team will be thoroughly debriefed on just who we are dealing with." She said that morning. She had one week, she could survive that…right?

At around 8 pm, she decided to leave for the night. Sam and Callen were still in the armory obsessively cleaning their guns no doubt worrying over Kensi's mental state, so she could make an easy escape. That's what it felt like… it is what Hayden felt, like they suffocated her with all their rules and regulations. Escaping from her own team, she decided to start bringing back those memories that night.

She got into her car, and put the box in the passenger's seat. She reached in, and found the little burner phone that Antonio gave her and plugged it in to charge for a few minutes. She thought back to his words the night he gave it to her, "I'll call you when I need you. You call me when you need me."

Kensi sighed, and reached into the pool of memories waiting for her; the cold, dead eyes, the always clenched fists, the temper that knew no bounds or restrictions…the blood from a man who tried to seduce her landing on her face the way it tasted…. And just like that, the monster that was Hayden started to creep out of the dark. And oh how she basked in the freedom.

Kensi's…Hayden's? breath was quick, her head tilted back in the pleasure of such thoughts being release, the cuffs that were Kensi were off and it felt so good.

As soon as she was angry enough, she called the only number in the burner, and waited for a voice at the other end. Sure it has been almost a decade, but it was like Antonio to keep stuff, especially when it involved her.

"Burns? Where da fuck have ya been, ha? I have missed my favorite fuck buddy. I ask ya to fuckin' call me, but-" his voice is still the same and for just a moment she remembers the way he touched her… she shook her head and snapped at the Bergh groups member.

"Shut up, Antonio." she hissed. "You have someone very important to me, now, where is he?"

Antonio laughed on the other end. "Ya seriously think that I'd just tell ya where your little pretty boy is, huh? Tell me, does he fuck you better that I did?" he laughed again only heightening my rage.

"Antonio!" I growled, ignoring his vulgar question.

His laughter died but the humor still laced his voice. "Tell you what sweetheart, you pass a test, and I'll give you a hint."

Kensi's blood ran cold, a test for the Bergh always ended in her beating the shit out of some one, "What type of test, you son of a bitch?!"

"Hayden, Hayden. No cheating on tests, did you whore mother not teach you that. Meet me behind the warehouse on White Street, bring no one, since you're not expecting your boy back anytime soon." said Antonio, and hung up.

Kensi's eyes began tearing, and she punched her steering wheel busting her knuckles open causing blood to paint the wheel. This 'test', if failed, would have both their bodies in the ground somewhere.

* * *

Wide awake, and far from sleep, Kensi stared at her ceiling a million and one thoughts running through her mind, one taking the spot of number one; She did not want to become Hayden...

She didn't want to become Hayden, but Max's….NO! Deeks'… bloodcurdling screams echoed through her mind, the fear she saw in his eyes. He was in this position because of her, because of who she really is…her Max

Unable to escape Hayden she decided to take a walk down memory lane. She jumped out of bed, ran across the somewhat thick carpet, and grabbed a small box from her closet, pushed far back behind a box labeled _**Jack**_, so if Deeks decided to snoop he wouldn't move it and see what was hidden behind him. She trusted him enough to know that he wouldn't touch or look at anything about Jack, she knew he wanted to learn about him through her.

She took another plain cardboard box and sat next to her bed on the floor, her hand hovering over the lid. Opening the box meant taking another step back into the darkness, a necessary step to find Marty. She opened it, and looked inside.

It was from the case. They were Hayden's photos. Hayden and Antonio were engaged, destined to be married on a cruise ship that would be heading to Dubai, Beijing, and the whole world. He promised her the world, she would never want for a thing, he had a good standing with the Bergh group. She looked through the photos, anger blooming, but this was different than the rage of Hayden, this was pure Kensi… she didn't even recognize the woman in these photos.

Her least favorite one was on the top. It was her, in a slim little black dress, black gloves, heels and white pearls, hugging Antonio, her engagement ring on display and a cold smile and if she looked close enough she could see a smear of red on the string of white pearls…she couldn't remember the name of the man she beat near to death…or maybe he did die, she did not know.

All of that, the beatings, the cold smile that engagement, were all against Kensi Blye's morals, dating a man like that, maybe killing a man.

But that wasn't Kensi anymore; Kensi was taken over, gagged, bound and shoved into a closet where almost no one found her. And in Kensi place a woman who looked just like her, sounded just like her but wasn't Kensi. No this woman was cold, evil, murderous…sinister.

She shoved them back into the box trying to fight the bile that was threatening to rise up, and decided to get her stuff ready, no point in delaying this meeting.

Unlike Kensi, Hayden wasn't a tomboy, nor a girly girl, but in the middle somewhere. Instead of Kensi's normal work boots, Hayden wore heeled anything, and instead of shirts and jeans, leggings, blouses and dresses.

She changed from her clothes into a pair of black leggings, a light, white sweater, and short zip up black boots (with a heel of course). Kensi unleashed her raven curls, and pulled on her sunglasses. God she hated these glasses. She dabbed some lip gloss on, and after taking one last look in the mirror headed out the door.

She drove over to Hetty's garage, where she had a few nice cars that were left for her. She chose a nice big GMC; black the color Hayden preferred, recently polished.

She looked at the address that Antonio sent her, and she drove across LA to the more industrial zone At first, big corporate buildings stood, but as she drove towards the outskirts, they became smaller and smaller until they turned into warehouses and garages with the occasional shabby house.

She also notice the occasional homeless person, sitting by themselves, holding signs or setting up where they were to sleep for the night. It felt like just last week, it was her huddling up in the front of buildings, begging for food, digging through trashcans like a rat.

As she neared the location, she began to become Hayden. "Don't slip too much." she warned herself. Then it started, the turmoil that would fuel Hayden's rage…

Dead, holding Deeks limp hand….Dad is dead. Dead... dead... they are all dead ... It's your fault they're gone... "_Get away from my trash, you whore!"_….Whore... Afghanistan….worthless bitch... killer…killed…they are dead because of her….

By the time she reached the house, she was fuming and her eyes were red.

She had to take a breather in order to not slip into the bottomless pit where the monster laid and she was barely holding on to ledge…she was already slipping into the darkness. She noticed a few black SUVs parked around a warehouse. Kensi, or Hayden, stepped out of the car and walked over towards the warehouse her head held high, eyes cold…good old Hayden Burns.

As she reached the entrance, she approached the guard. "I'm here for Toni." she smiled, though it was more of a demon's lecherous smile. "Tell him it is Hayden Burns coming out to play, and I'm not carrying."

The tall man patted her down roughly while the smaller goon went inside to inform Toni. After lingering too long on the inside of her upper thighs the man opened the door. She walked past him giving him a flirty smile and wink, "Next time, just ask for me to spread my legs, no need for force."

He led her into where the King of the Bergh Group was sitting. Sleek black furniture spotted the impeccable space completely contrasting the run down look from the outside.

"Hayden Burns," he said, his black hair slicked back and his smile full of fake happiness. "Please, sit down. It's been too long since we've talked."

Kensi sat, and tried to hold onto herself as hard as she could, tried to keep some tether to Kensi, but when the man she was looking for was Dee…. Max Gentry she found it hard and she hated not knowing what was going to happen next.


	3. Call Hetty

**Salutations friends, we hope you enjoy this chapter as much as we loved writing it. We'll hopefully have the next one up soon! Thanks for the follows, faves and reviews; we're so glad you support us; keep 'em coming, we love hearing your feedback.**

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**We have another chapter! I am so glad you guys are loving it and hope to have the next one up soon for you guys. Enjoy and leave a review if you like the chapter.**

**-A. Grayson **

**Call Hetty**

Chapter 3

Hayden sat as Antonio walked around her.

"Hayden, Hayden, Hayden... you walked out on me." he smiled, again with hatred in his eyes. "You left me, tootsie-"

"Don't call me tootsie or you'll be left without a face Antonio." threatened Hayden, Kensi watching from the sidelines. Yep, Hayden was defiantly back. "And I swear, if you don't tell me what's going on, I cut everything off of that puny, weak body."

But Antonio only laughed. "I never forgot your threats, honey boo. Always made your enemies shake so much, and you always complained how their blood stained your clothes." he snapped, and the doors around them began closing. Windows had shades over them, and a few goons, all wearing black shirts and pants came behind him. Two walked up behind Hayden/Kensi and grabbed both her arms.

"What the fuck, Toni?" she spit. He came towards her, with a wooden bat. "You see, Burns, as you said a long time ago, 'Everything comes with a price.' Did you honestly think that I'd be so happy to see ya when ya just waltzed in here?" He held up his left ring finger, which she saw had a golden band around it. "Remember Lorena? Oh she took your place not long after you disappeared…she was an eager little bitch, still it. She was a way better fucka' than ya eva' were sweetheart, more submissive."

The two men holding her picked her up and moved her towards the center, right in front of Antonio. He smiled and tossed the bat towards his other goon. "Now, Burns, you apparently left me for this cock, who was a cop, no less! No one in this business lays with a cop. You think you're not going to pay for that?" He circles her like a predator pissing Hayden off all that much more, she sneered at Toni when he stopped in front of her but he merely laughed. He grabbed her face roughly bringing it close to his. "I wish I could say I am sorry about this, but this is just how the business works. You became a hard woman to find Burns; it was luck that one of my men stumbled upon you and your lover boy."

Toni pulled away and motioned to the man holding the bat, and she knew what that meant, she knew because he made that same motion to her when she was his enforcer, and just like that Hayden Burns disappeared.

It was Kensi now. Hayden Burns got out as fast as she could, because that's who she was; if the situation was too bad, she'd run. Now she left Kensi. She didn't see the first punch to the face, or the kick rammed into her side. She coughed violently and didn't even bother to stay in character anymore. This was her fighting for her life because if Kensi was beaten half to death Hayden would have free reign over her mind and body.

The kicking, punching, beating; all like Afghanistan, burned her mind. It was Toni yelling at her that broke her silence. "How does it feel you whore, to feel pain because of your lover boy! I must say he started begging real quick, but he called for some bitch named Kensi. Maybe you weren't memorable enough for him!"

"Please!" she begged, between coughs, between hits. "Don't kill him!" The beating stopped, and through her eye that wasn't swelled shut, she saw him, glaring at her.

"Take her somewhere. Just don't get caught or it will be your heads." He spit in her face, and she could hear his shoes click clacking away, before she fell into a swirl of darkness.

* * *

It was all a blur. One minute she was in the warehouse, being beaten nearly to death, and now she was lying in what she concluded was a dark alley; next to a dumpster, and a pool of something that felt like a puddle under her.

Kensi cried out in pain when she tried moving. Why did she ever try to become Hayden in the first place? Right, Deeks. It wouldn't be long until she'd be back, the tether Kensi created had been cut, giving her no reason to keep up the fight. There would be no point in going back to work without him there… laying there, dying Hayden came back out to play.

_Deeks is dead because of you, _Hayden taunted_. I bet he's burning in hell as we speak_.

"Shut up!" yelled Kensi, to what a regular pedestrian would see as no one. Hayden began taunting her again._ If you'd just killed them off like you were supposed to, you'd be fine. But now you got-_

"SHUT UP!" screamed Kensi, and began sobbing despite the pain in her entire body. Maybe she was right, maybe she did get Deeks killed… and just like that an opening was made and the darkness began to consume the female agents mind, leaving just a small amount of Kensi left.

_I will kill them all_… she thought, images of blood and her laughter filling her head._ And anyone who gets in my way._

"Ma'am, you okay? Can you hear me? Who did this to you?" a man's face came into her view.

"Hayden Burns." she whispered, the tears were gone, her cold eyes in place. It was a man, a LAPD police officer to be exact. He lifted her up and onto a gurney. "Where am I going?"

"The hospital, ma'am. Just hang on, we'll call your next of kin."

"He is…ah shit, can you be fucking gentle you prick!..." the EMT apologized. "My next of kin is…dead," Kensi spoke in a moment of clarity. "Call this number…" she recited Callen's number, if he knew Kensi was beaten, then Hetty would know that Hayden was taking over…Kensi knew she was losing the battle for control in her mind and body, she needed Hetty to know…even if the team hated her…

_Get over yourself you weak bitch, let me take over, I can give you the revenge you are to scared to enact on the Bergh group_…Hayden spoke, tempting thoughts as the ambulance arrived at the hospital but the pain became overwhelming and she slipped into the darkness once again.

* * *

When Hayden woke up there was an unknown petite red head by her bed, nervously biting her nail as she worked on an expensive tablet. Hayden kept quiet as she observed the woman, something familiar in the way she held herself. She closed her eyes when she heard the door opening, the heavy footfalls giving way that a man had walked into her room.

"How is she?" the man asked.

"Still asleep, they beat her pretty bad Sam, why would the Bergh group go after her and Deeks?" it took a lot of self-control to keep still and keep listening at the mention of the Bergh.

_Deeks…?_

"I do not know Nell, maybe they saw him with Kensi and thought it would make him cooperate if they threatened to beat her to death…"

_Nell…Kensi?_

_Ah, I need to get out of here…_ Just as Hayden was about to open her eyes the door opened and a nurse told them they were about to run a few tests and that the two need to leave. Hearing the door shut Hayden opened her eyes.

"Ah you are awake Ms. Bl…"

"Is anything broken?" She asks cutting the blonde woman off, her overly cheery attitude pissing her off.

"Uh… no, just some bruising, you are very lucky mostly a beating of this caliber leaves internal bleeding but you…."

"yea yea yea, " she mutters swinging her legs over the side of the bed and standing on sore muscles.

"What are you…You must stay in bed, nothing may be broken but about 40% of your body is bruised Ms. Bly…" she is cut short when Hayden grabs her throat, the nurse confused by the agents behavior…her team said she was a good, strong person…

"Do you ever shut up bitch?" at the nurses wide eyes Hayden smiles as her grip tightens, the nurses nails digging in to her wrist. "hmmm… seems I will have to silence you." Hayden brings up her other hand and twists the woman's head, the sound of her neck snapping giving her ears a pleasure like non other. "Oh how I have missed that sound."

She reaches for a fresh set of clothes, a plaid shirt and jeans…ugh who picked these out? She thought. Shrugging she changes, then steps out of the door, sitting with her head in her hands is the red head and a muscular man comforting her…something about them tugged at something in Hayden but she quickly shook it off. As she was about to walk away when the man looked up and saw her,

"Kens what are you doing?"

He began walking towards her with the red head and Hayden did the only thing she could think of, took off for the nearest exit, the pain spurring her on….

* * *

Nell watches as Sam chases after Kensi, Nell started to follow when a thought occurred to her... the nurse… there is no way the nurse would let Kensi out of her bed in the condition that she is in. Nell walks towards the room and opens the door and her eyes land on the crumpled body of the blonde nurse.

Her neck was at an unnatural angle and a hand shape bruise already forming on her neck…No, Kensi couldn't have…she wouldn't have…but her eyes when she looked at us…there was no recognition. She hears Sam come in behind her, his breath hitching when he sees the nurse.

"Did Kensi kill…"

"Call Hetty Sam…


	4. Lost Within the Darkness

**Hey guys! I first of all, just wanted to point out how amazing last night's episode was! I was literally sobbing the entire time. Because of Densi, Sam and everything else! I also wanted to thank you for continuing with this story.**

**Until next time,**

**Lovedanniruah**

**Guys…I am not one to gush about…well anything, but last nights episode…The Densi opening scene, then the last one…all I can say is FINALLY.. I still want to see more of Julia on the show though…Now on to the story!**

**-A. Grayson**

**Lost Within the Darkness**

Chapter 4

Nell shook her head as she thought about what had just happened. Kensi, running off after killing an innocent woman, the cold vacant look in her eyes... It didn't make sense. The Kensi Marie Blye she knew would've never done that, kill for no reason, unless the nurse was the one attacking her. But even if the nurse was attacking her, Kensi wouldn't have run off. And Sam and Callen hadn't found Hayden Burns after what she did to Kensi, she thought... maybe... no. There's no way, Kensi wasn't a killer…

Callen walked over towards her. "Anything, Nell?" he asked looking at the now covered body of the blonde nurse, the broken neck and hand shaped bruise covered from his probing eyes.

The analyst shook her head. "It isn't Kensi, Callen. The Kensi we know would never do this." She looked at the empty hospital bed when an idea then popped into Nell's head. She pulled out her tablet and searched Hayden Burns in the NCIS Office of Special Projects data base, the one place she didn't look for the elusive Burns.

"What're you doing?" asked the team leader, peering over Nell's shoulder. He watched as a file popped up and every line was redacted and only a picture came up.

"Oh my god." gasped Nell as they both looked at the LAPD arrest report. It was Kensi, a much younger looking, slightly different hair color Kensi, but under her face was the blacked out name. "Hetty's got to know something about this…what is blacked out." she said turning back to look at Callen and seeing that he was just as confused as she was.

Hetty sat at her desk, looking at the little photo she had of her and Kensi. It was Kensi's birthday that night, before Deeks charged into her life and only Hetty truly knew Kensi. They'd celebrated her birthday with drinks and stories. Hetty looked at the woman in front of her in the photo and remembered what happened that first day that she came in…

_"I see that in your file you found out about this job from Mr. Getz, while you were under his services." said Hetty, one sunny Los Angeles morning and a young woman, a Kensi Blye, sat next to her in the boatshed, her posture nervous at the mention of her psychologist._

_"Yes. He was my psychologist." said Kensi, looking at the woman next to her. Hetty was small, but had power radiating off of her; Kensi knew she was someone who could keep her in line._

_"I see you went undercover, and faced some... difficulties a few years ago." said Hetty, closing Kensi's file watching as she became tense._

_She looked down at her hands, her facial expression dropped. "Yeah... but I'm cleared as mentally stable now. It was... a little... intense." Her voice resigned; as though she knew she wouldn't get the job…she wouldn't get the stability that she needed to remain Kensi_

_Hetty patted Kensi on the shoulder, and looked her in the eye. "My dear, I'm sure you'll find a place at NCIS OSP where you can save lives and help others. I will help you let go of the past, and focus on the present."_

_Kensi nodded and smiled lightly glad that her past had not screwed up her future. "I'll be happy to take the job."_

As the memory faded, a rare tear fell from Hetty's eye. The beautiful woman whose laugh was so enchanting and so hard to forget her rare eyes, the rare soft side of her that was only visible when she was with her partner, the woman who was tough as nails, could be shaped into a strong dependable agent with enough heat and a watchful eye. But now that woman was slowly fading, turning into a monster and it was Hetty's fault. At least, that's what Hetty felt.

She quickly brushed her tears away when Sam and Callen ran in through the door their faces ready to interrogate their boss on what the hell was going on. "Hetty,-" she raised her hand to silence her agents. She motioned for them to sit quietly.

She observed them, so ready to go after Kensi and scared at what the woman was truly capable of. Hetty sighed looking down at Kensi's un-redacted file before looking up to her oldest agents…

"Mr. Hanna, Mr. Callen, it's time I think you read this..." she said, sliding Kensi's case file over. The two men quickly read it over, their faces morphing to confusion then betrayal before settling on fear…fear of or for Kensi she did not know.

"Ms. Blye is incredibly unstable, more so than last time. This needs to end, gentlemen."

"So you want us to stop Kensi-" started Callen, thinking that his boss was ordering him to kill a woman he thought of as a little sister, to take away Deeks' only family.

"No. I want you to stop Hayden, and save both Deeks and Kensi; Deeks from his captors the Bergh group and Kensi from Hayden. I'm getting everyone who I can on this case, but you must find her before Hayden takes over completely. If that happens she will become my responsibility and mine alone, understood?" the men nodded and started off.

"And, gentlemen…" she waited till they turned around to look at her. "Bring her back alive, but be cautious."

* * *

Hayden had taken over a bit for now, shoving Kensi in the corner. Hayden wondered why it hurt to walk so much, and why her left eye wouldn't open. But she continued anyway, strutting down the street, using her sunglasses to hide her eye and wounds. She looked hideous with her bland outfit, and walked into a clothing shop, she couldn't do what she wanted to do in the close of a manly woman.

She picked out some ripped jeans, a thin sweater and a pair of cheap black open toed heels. The woman at the counter looked her over but quickly adverted her eyes when Hayden threatens to fuck her up. She paid with a sneer and in her new clothes left the store.

But, after being out of commission for near ten years, Hayden made a deadly mistake of paying with her credit card.

* * *

_Kensi began taking deep breaths, trying not to overreact too much she needed to get control back, trying not to let Hayden Burns take over too much, Kensi just needed a sliver of control. But the sound of braking bones and the painful groans of her fiancé's enemies, who she was ordered to kill, echoed in her ears and Kensi herself wanted nothing more than to strangle her fiancé. No! Hayden's fiancé, not Kensi's fiancé Hayden's snake of an ex… he killed Deeks…or so he said… shit she was losing ground…oh god…that poor nurse…Nell….please, someone save me...I am losing the fight…._

* * *

Sam and Callen walk up the stairs to OPS and tell Nell to pull up the new file on Kensi Blye. Not giving Nell and Eric time to read Callen summarizes the very long and very detailed case notes and Kensi's arrest report.

"Eleven years ago, Kensi Blye worked for another branch of NCIS out of D.C. and was undercover for a year as Hayden Burns. She was to infiltrate the Bergh Group as their enforcer. About six months in the DC office lost all contact with Blye until a month later when a man was beaten into a coma, his family later pulled him off of life support. Witness claimed that a tall woman with mismatched eyes was the one who beat him, when showed Blye's picture the witness confirmed that it was her, only she had a ring on her left hand…" Callen looked to Sam to continue.

"The DC office quickly located Blye and learned that she had become engaged to Antonio, who at the time was the heir to the Bergh Group, and three years ago, became he ring leader. While under, DC believes that Hayden Burns was responsible for an unknown about of severe beatings, the murder of the man in a coma, and the theft of a high end jewelry store, which is where that rock on her hand came from…" he said pointing to a surveillance photo of Hayden holding a woman by her throat, talking into the woman's hidden ear. "When she was pulled out she did not go without a fight, broke one agent's knee, and shot another in the leg… she was in a mental institute for seven months and slowly recovered with Nate as her psychologist, which is where she learned about Hetty and came to work here…"

When Sam finished talking OPS was silent save for the humming of the computers lining the room the gravity of what was just spoken weighing on everyone's shoulders. The silence only broken until Nell spoke…

"Why…why would Hetty let her work here…?"

"Perhaps she thought that she could keep her in line," Eric spoke. "And she did until Deeks went missing because of her past…" Sam heard a noise from Eric's tablet and cut him off signaling that someone had sent another video to Deeks' email account. Without a word he put the video up and hit play.

A man they knew to be Antonio was standing behind Deeks. "Tell me Hayden, did they break your legs? Hmm they were such sexy legs…well no matter," the man sneered. "There is nothing left to say honey that I did not say earlier, I just thought it would be nice if you saw another video of your lover boy getting the fucking shit beat out of him." He leaned real close to the video camera. "He is more fun to punch, much more vocal." Then he stood back up. "Which is surprising, because I seem to recall that you were a very vocal woman in bed, it is one of the reasons you were so fun to fuck, you put the same passion you had in kicking ass in the bedroom…but oh well. That was a long time ago…" Antonio turned to a man off screen. "Wake him up, and do as I told you."

Antonio walks away, the sound of a door opening and closing…

The small space of OPS was filled with the sound of Deeks' screams and his cries for Kensi to help him…why wasn't she there…but how could Kensi save him when she herself was lost within the darkness of her own mind?


	5. First Encounter

**Fan fictioners, we bring to you this next chapter. We've both been busy, so excuse the delay. And we'll have the next chapter up in a few days/weeks. (okay maybe not like 3 weeks, but around a week or two). Thx for reading.**

**-lovedaniruah (that's right. Now with one n) **

**My lovely readers, I am sorry about the delay, but we are back. Enjoy the story.**

** -A. Grayson**

**First Encounter**

Chapter 5

Kensi now lied on the bed of a small motel, one that she paid with cash, knowing that Antonio was probably checking around to make sure she was dead, or looking to finish what his lackeys failed to do. That Hayden was dead. Did he know Kens? Was that why he went after Deeks…he was dead because her, her secrets…her indiscretions… Maybe he just didn't know who Hayden really was….And Deeks didn't know who his Kensi…his Fern really was

Her body ached from the wounds, wounds that Hayden didn't let heal, even Kensi knew that she was required a few days rest with these wounds, but she dragged Kensi along, no matter how much it hurt. But Hayden did get her out...

No, Kensi. Hayden is not a good person. Stop…think of Deeks' smile, his laugh…the sound of bones breaking…his stupid nicknames, and the way he looks at her…Hayden's menacing laugh…

"Oh, Kensi?!" called that little voice. Hayden's, she was back.

"No!" yelled Kensi, and started flailing around on the bed and pulling at her hair trying desperately to push her away, Kensi had to stay in control, as if that was going to scare her off. "No, you're not getting in here!" She felt like she was being gagged. Kensi was being dragged against her will into the cellar; being thrown into the never ending pit of darkness and depression that was always there, since the very beginning…

"Oh shut up, bitch!" she yelled. "We're going to have some fun tonight. Taking out people who I think don't deserve to take another breath on this Earth."

"No! Nooooooooo!"

* * *

"Guys," said Eric, as the 2 senior agents walked behind him into Ops. "You need to see this." He pulled up a feed. It was a woman, wearing a light t shirt, and carrying a large purse. She turned to the camera. The woman was wearing sunglasses, but they were thin, so you could see her eyes.

"I ran facial rec." he started. "And-"

"It's Kensi." finished Callen. "So, we go find her?"

"Exactly. But she just killed an unarmed man, guys. I'm pretty sure it's Hayden, but she still killed someone. He's Bergh, but he left a long time ago. I'm pretty sure Hayden thought that he was still a member. LAPD has orders to take her, dead or alive…and they won't know that she isn't mental stable, all they see is a vengeful killer."

"Even if Kensi doesn't have control anymore, I'm sure Hayden knows how to lay low. She's a highly trained assassin, so she'll kill in hiding, staying under LAPD radar." added Sam, running a hand across his head. "So we'll find her."

"Yeah, about that." grimaced Eric. "Hetty told me to tell you that NCIS is officially off this case. It's been handed to the LAPD."

"Deeks? As in our liaison, who we're responsible for?" asked Callen, with a look of surprise and anger. The shaggy detective may have irritated the hell out of him, but he got Kensi to open up in a way he and Sam never could…even if she still hid her darkness from the world.

"No. Kensi. You're looking for Deeks. You guys can't look for her. SecNav said that we were too close, but-"

"I don't give a damn!" replied the now outraged ex-Seal. "Kensi is our little sister, and I know she's in there somewhere. She can't help it. LAPD doesn't know her struggle. They don't know that Hayden is taking her over. They just know that Kensi is the one killing these people and I'd rather die than see Kensi die for something Hayden did."

That was when is clicked for Callen, the whole reason Hayden has taken over…"Kensi thinks that Deeks is dead. She never saw the second email, Antonio must have said something that weakened Kensi's stance against Hayden causing a near complete take over…"

"So we find her and show her that he is still alive…" Sam continued.

"But we don't have Deeks, so find him with any means necessary Mr. Beale, while Ms. Jones looks for Ms. Blye." Hetty said from her post behind her Alpha team before turning to leave to track down Nell.

"Alright. So we're going black on this one." sighed Eric, and adjusted his glasses. Let's do this," The 3 men all looked at each other, knowing that in order to bring back their family members, they were at risk. But the love for them outweighed the risk, and they continued as usual; Sam and Callen in their Challenger, searching for evidence, for both Kensi and Deeks, for Hayden. Eric and Nell in Ops, typing away at their keyboards with caffeine and determination as their fuel.

Several hours later Nell got a hit on Kensi…or Hayden. "Guys I got a hit on Kensi," She spoke quickly threw the comms. "She is at the beach, I am sending the address now." Seconds later the partners phones dinged.

"We are two minutes out, Nell. Good job." Sam said as he accelerated. When they arrived they saw her, head down and hair blowing in the wind back to them. So they approached silently, carefully not knowing if they were going to see Kensi or get their first violent encounter with the infamous Hayden Burns.

"Kensi?" Callen said when he saw her tense at their presence. They were still a few yards away when she turned around. Her eyes were red and swollen and shoulders slumped, but there was a spark of hope when she saw her team mates.

"Callen?" she said as she started towards them but stopped when she realized that Deeks wasn't with them, the few hours of control she gained in the hopes that he was with the team, that he had been found safe died…her one link to sanity, to stability was gone…Dead…and just like that Hayden returned….

* * *

It was a near instant change in demeanor as Sam and Callen watched as she looked behind them undoubtedly looking for Deeks, and not seeing him…her eyes went from cautiously hopeful, to dead, to cold and hateful. The slump in her shoulders vanished and her hand moved up to her belt line producing a knife… she slowly stalked towards them, her eyes that of a caged and cornered animal…

"Kensi, it is me Sam, Deeks is alive, you have to fight…" he was cut off, barely dodging the flying knife as it whizzed past his ear.

"Shut it you pigs," even her voice was different. "Your precious Kensi isn't here, locked up nice and tight, never to know that her precious lover boy is alive."

Sam and Callen were slightly freaked out, feeling like this was more of a sci-fi movie than real life, but seeing that knife fly past them, brought them back to real life. Both men knew Kensi could kick their ass, and that combined with Hayden's merciless attitude meant; fight, or die.

They didn't want to, but they pulled out their guns, and as Hayden ran towards them, shot her in the leg, and she fell to the ground.

It was Kensi who saw her brothers pull their triggers, and who had taken the impact. She cried out in pain, and fell. She began to feel tears forming, but not because of the pain. Because she knew in her eyes that she was never going to see her Deeks again, no matter how hard she tried. And she knew she'd be locked away in a dark psychiatric prison, and would never see the outside again.

But she wasn't mentally ill. It was that alter-ego that was created. It wasn't Kensi, it was Hayden. Hayden was the sick one, Kensi was the victim.

Sam and Callen rushed over, kneeling beside her. She saw that they now saw her, not Hayden.

"I'm sorry." she sobbed. "It wasn't me and-"

"We know, Kens." said Sam, putting pressure onto her leg wound. "We know. We'll find Deeks, you need to get better."

"There is no getting better. I can't fight her anymore!" she cried, hearing the sirens in the background. She grabbed Callen's arm, and looked him in the eyes. "Tell Deeks, when you find him, that it was all my fault. And that I love him, and I was-"

And she blacked out before she could tell him the rest.

"Sam, if those sirens get any closer we won't be able to get to the boatshed, LAPD will arrest her, and she will go to jail." Callen said trying to get Sam to wake up from his trance.

"I-I shot my little sister G…"

"Agent Sam Hanna get Ms. Blye into your car and drive like hell to the Boatshed." Hetty's voice rang in their ears effectively waking up the ex-Navy SEAL.

* * *

"You like that!?" yelled the man outside of the water. Deeks couldn't breathe, his lungs felt like they were on fire, and the cuts in his back and face stung.

He was quickly pulled up by his hair and began coughing and gasping. He'd been praying for his team to do something, knowing that they wouldn't quit. He'd heard this Hayden person being beaten in the other room, but he couldn't yell for help, first, because he was gagged, and second, they'd probably kill her too.

All he thought about was Kensi. Her smile, her laugh, and he pictured her in his mind saying, "Stay with me, Deeks. I'm right here." and he felt like she was, almost.

"She's what?" he heard Antonio whisper to one of his goons. "So ya think-" and he looked straight at Deeks.

"Listen, Max. We're letting ya go. But one word about us to the Feds, and we'll kill everyone ya love, ok?"

Max?


	6. The Price Must Be Paid

**Hello, lovelies, we have returned with another chapter. Tell us, how are we doing? And i want you people to know that we'll have a few more chapters, I'm pretty sure. This has been a blast writing, working with Athena465 has taught me a lot of things, and I'm so proud of this story, so please continue reading, following, reviewing and favoriting, (even though that isn't a word).**

**Kisses,**

**lovedaniruah **

**We are back with another chapter, it was supposed to be uploaded yesterday but I was at a dentist app. I have loved writing this story with lovedaniruah, and those waiting for my other stories I promise I will try to update them sometime this week. **

**-A. Grayson **

**The Price Must Be Paid**

Chapter 6

Kensi squeezed Nell's hand so much it was whiter than bleached paper, they had given her a belt to bite on because the because the pain was unbearable for the female agent, and she was already suffering from the beating Antonio gave her. Sam was pulling out the bullet out of her leg in one of the spare interrogation rooms, and it was hurting like hell for her. But not as much as not seeing Deeks beside her.

The thought of Deeks made her feel better, his smile, his laugh, well just everything about him. She imagined him coming through the door, and pulling her into a long, deep hug. They'd spend the night together, and be happy…she so badly wanted to be happy…happy with Deeks. She'd even look at the door when she wasn't squeezing them shut and taking short small breaths because of the pain.

Sam looked guilty the entire time he went about digging HIS bullet out of HIS little sister's leg. He'd shot Kensi…. He shot his little sister. After he stitched her leg up, he pulled her into a big teddy bear hug.

"It's not your fault, Sam. You had to, you and Callen were in danger. You stopped Hayden, but I took the impact. It is okay Sam, I am o-…" she stopped, she did not know if she was okay mentally, she was a fucking train wreck, so she hugged him back as best as she could, since her leg was propped up in front of her.

"It is my fault, Kens. I shot you! That's-" but he was interrupted by a bang from downstairs, causing Kensi to jump and her bullet wound to flare up. Callen put a finger up to his lips. "Sam and I will go check what that was, and Nell, you stay with Kensi." Nell nodded and moved over towards Kensi while taking note of the tension that radiated off of the female agent when she got within touching distance.

Sam and Callen shut the door behind them and Nell went to go turn off the lights. Kensi was here for now, but nevertheless Nell had her knife in boot, but never ever wanted to think about that option, the option that Kensi could disappear and Nell would have to defend herself. She shook the thoughts from her head and helped Kensi over to the corner, where they sat behind the couch.

Kensi put her head on Nell's shoulder while stretching her injured leg out, and felt her eyes drooping, the past few days may have not slowed Hayden but they took a toll on Kensi. Nell put an arm around her best friend and pulled her a bit closer to her, trying her best to take over Deeks' job for the moment but Nell wasn't Deeks. Looking down at the female agent Nell noticed the deep crease between her eyes and the pain, she hadn't seen Kensi that vulnerable since Afghanistan and here she was again, except worse. She was fighting against the darkest and deadliest part of herself and Nell wanted to be there for her, but she could only play role-reversal…

If Nell was in this position or anyone else on the team, where the darkness she undeniably has in her came out and took over…would she have the strength to fight back like Kensi? Because lets face it, at anytime one of them could be called under to assume the identity of a criminal and they all have a chance of falling victim to the high life of the criminal…just because Kensi was in this position doesn't mean that it could not have easily been Callen or even herself…this is the price the Alpha team pays everyday…

"Thanks, Nell." whispered Kensi tearing Nell from her thoughts, as she began falling asleep. She always felt safe in the arms of her best friends, and safety was something she hadn't felt in a long time.

Sam and Callen came back up after a few minutes. "It was nothing." said Callen, as he opened the door, but Nell shot him a glare and nodded her head towards Kensi, whose head was resting on her lap, and her body was sprawled out on the ground.

All of them smiled lightly when they saw her. Of course she was exhausted, but they hadn't seen her that peaceful in a long time. Sam gently picked her up mindful of her wound and placed her on the couch, and covered her with a warm blanket. Nell kneeled down and pressed a light kiss onto her best friend's forehead. "You're safe, Kens. We're here now." she whispered. They all left, and shut the door behind them and turning the lock.

At the heavy clicking of the lock two polychrome eyes shot open and a twisted smile tainted her beautiful features. Hayden was unlocked from her little box again, and she was dying to play a game.

* * *

He was pushed out from the moving van, out by an empty dirt road. He cried out in pain on impact, and then after five minutes of lying on the ground, he pushed himself to get up. The only thing Deeks could think about was Kensi. His beautiful, beloved Kensi. Her raven hair, her sparkling mismatched eyes; he saw her smile play in his head, and limping, he pushed himself to climb down the hill, and he then realized that he knew where he was. Deeks hobbled down the street, away from the kids who were busy playing soccer in the street, and he stumbled onto the front porch of a little house with a well kept green lawn and red door, and he rang the doorbell.

And the door opened, and there was Michelle Hanna, who's face went from neutral to concerned immediately. "Please, Michelle." he begged. "Help me."

Michelle pushed her daughter away, and helped Deeks into the living room and onto the couch. "Kam, go get the first aid kit!" she yelled, as she cut off Deeks' shirt, revealing a field of wounds.

"Who did this to you, Marty?" she asked, dabbing some rubbing alcohol on a cotton swab and cleaned his cuts. Deeks winced and replied. "Just your average terrorist group." he groaned.

"Kam, go to your room." ordered the CIA officer. The little girl, whose big brown eyes were full of fear, nodded and ran upstairs to her room. After his wounds were stitched up and bandaged, and he was given a glass of water, Michelle sat on the couch next to him. "How did you get here?"

"The dudes who took me, tortured me and then dumped me here. I decided to go up and then I recognized your block. Sorry if I-"

"Marty, you know this is a safe place where you can come anytime you need help." said Michelle sternly. "How's Kensi doing? Does she know you're here?"

Deeks' eyes grew wide. "Right. Kensi. I need to get to her." he said, standing up.

"I'll drive you." said Michelle. She grabbed her purse, and called her daughter to come downstairs. Deeks limped out to their car and sat in the backseat, as Kam sat next to him, and said,

"Deeks, are you okay?"

"Fine, Kammie. Just need to get somewhere." replied Deeks. "Other than that, I feel absolutely dandy." he said the last part in a cheery voice that made Sam's daughter smile.

As they pulled a few blocks from the boatshed, Deeks got out, thanked Michelle, and began walking towards the dock, praying that his team would be there.

Callen and the team were sitting in the boatshed while Eric was in OPS trying his hardest to find Deeks, but the poor tech was getting frustrated and was ordered by Hetty to take a break "Has there been any indication of Burns?" Hetty said appearing on the screen.

"No, she was Kensi when we left the room and has been asleep ever since." Callen answered…and was about to continue on when the door to the boatshed flew open nearly coming off of its hinges. In the door way was a beaten yet determined LAPD Detective. He had a black eye and a cut lip and cuts and bruises all up and down his arms.

"Deeks!" Nell yelled as she ran to his side and helped him sit in her now empty chair. The blonde Detective looked around for Kensi but only saw her on the screen, sleeping.

"Hayden Burns was beaten…I heard them…I heard her screaming….you have to find…"

"Mr. Deeks please…" Hetty interrupted. "We know Burns was beaten…"

"How do you know that?" Deeks watched as the entire team looked to Kensi on the tv screen. "Kensi…is Hayden Burns?" before anyone could speak he was out of his chair and heading to the room she was in but came to the locked door…"Why the fuck is this locked?" he turned to his team.

"We can't risk Hayden getting away…" Callen began.

"That is not Hayden that is Kensi! Open the fucking door G." Deeks growled. Callen looked to Hetty.

She sighed and nodded. "Hetty…"

"Save it, Ms. Jones. We can only hope that it is Kensi when he unlocks the door, I am on my way."

But it wasn't…Kensi was long gone…pushed to the side…and that is who Deeks and the team witnessed as her eyes opened slowly, but in his elation that she was alive Deeks failed to notice the cold and hateful look.

"Kensi are you…"

He was cut off my her lunging, her hands poised for his throat, but he was quickly pulled away by Sam but failed to notice Hayden change direction and grab Nell and pulling her in front of her body. Sam and Callen pulled out their guns while Deeks watched, frozen from the floor as a woman he didn't know held Nell in a chokehold and a playful smile touching her face.

"Let her go Hayden." Callen commanded.

"Oh where is the fun in that Agent Callen? It is a shame really, she is such a pretty little thing…" She said as she stroked Nell's cheek with her free hand in a faux motherly way. "It would be such… a pity if I were…" her grip tightened causing Nell to cry out in pain. "Apply pressure…or break her pretty little neck." The laugh that emanated from the female agent was cold and sent everyone on edge, but she fell silent when Deeks stood up behind Callen and Sam causing Hayden to stop and sharply inhale.

Nell's vision became blurry with tears. Who was this woman? She knew that if she died, Kensi didn't kill her. Hayden Burns did. But she had such a hard time trying to convince herself that Kensi wasn't the one doing this.

She shook her head forcefully tightening her grip on Nell. "ha no, that won't work, I am so close…" she squeezed her eyes closed as she felt something hard hit her on the head "Son of a bitch!" she yelled as she let go of Nell to grab her head, and fell to the ground

Sam pushed Nell and Deeks out of the room as her breathing heightened and he only noticed Hetty when she moved to stand in front of her senior agents, a gun in hand aimed directly at the woman she thought of as a daughter.

Hetty couldn't tell who was on the ground before her; was it Kensi or Hayden…she had a promise to keep…never in her life was Hetty this conflicted.

"DO IT!" the woman yelled. "Pull the fucking trigger!" she dropped her hands from her head and faced the little woman …Hayden Burns…maybe. Hetty's finger hovered on the trigger as she watched as Kensi slipped further and further away…Hayden Burns…

"Shoot me!" screamed the girl. Both Hetty's eyes and hers were full of tears, and everyone in the room was basically crying.

Hetty saw the look in the girl's eyes, and her finger tightened around the trigger and then...


	7. The Return of Blye?

**Another chapter has been brought to the table, my friends. Hopefully that last chapter didn't scare you too much, and here is the next part of Kensi's battle. If you do have any suggestions, please don't hesitate to DM/tell us in a review.**

**-lovedaniruah **

**Here is the next chapter of My Own Max Gentry! For those waiting for my update to There is No Light in this Darkness look for that tonight or tomorrow! And maybe even a new story. Anywho on to the story**

**-A. Grayson**

**The Return of Blye?**

Chapter 7

There was a light that began appearing in front of Kensi. She didn't hear any bullets fire as Hetty stood in front of her with the gun pointed at her head, and she didn't know where she was. All she knew was that there was darkness for a while, and here was this light. She remembered the tears that burned in Hetty's eyes as she fought Hayden off with all of her remaining strength.

When she opened her eyes, she noticed she wasn't in heaven, or burning in hell; but in a room with white walls and plastic furniture. She tied reaching for the call button, and realized that she was in restraints…she was handcuffed to a hospital bed.

She looked down and noticed she was wearing a hospital gown, and her legs were covered by a blanket. Kensi looked over to her right, slowly twisting her head, and she saw Nate sitting next to her, holding her hand. "Morning, sleepy head." he said, massaging her hand with his thumb.

"Where am I?" she asked softly, looking into the psychologist's eyes.

"Hospital." he replied. "They treated your leg, and your other wounds."

"And let me guess; this…" she shook her restrained hands. "is because I'm mentally ill?" she asked, tears were brewing in her eyes, and Nate took note of that.

"A little, but that's what they think. I just want to make sure you don't ever have to deal with Hayden again." said Nate. He turned around to look at the door, where a doctor was standing. "Listen, a doctor's going to just check you over again now that you're awake, and then, if you're good, we'll let you see the team." added Nate, opening the door for the doctor.

"Hi, Ms. Blye. I'm Dr. Andrews. I'm just here to see how your wounds are healing and to just check your breathing and heartbeat, okay?" said the blonde young doctor, who pulled her stethoscope from around her neck. Nate unlocked the restraints from Kensi's arms, and sat beside her, and took her hand in his. Kensi turned onto her side carefully, and she felt her gown being untied and the back being pulled to the side, and the cold metal of the stethoscope made contact with her skin. Kensi could barely keep her eyes open now, even with about half a day of sleep; Hayden knocked the wind out of her, and that had an affect.

Dr. Andrews then moved onto the ribs. The ribs that still hurt from Antonio's beating. She hissed and let out a groan when the doctor touched her ribs. "Sorry." she said, continuing. She then helped Kensi onto her back and examined her other wounds. Kensi felt a bit awkward having Nate there, but was then relieved that he was there when the doctor held a syringe up. She hated needles, mostly because she remembered how Hayden used them for torturing her victims. "Sorry if you hate needles, but we're going to need to draw some blood. It'll hurt, not to lie."

Kensi gripped Nate's hand tighter, and he squeezed her hand in reassurance. "It'll be fine, Kens. Hey," he said, turning her head towards him. "You'll see your team after this." Kensi smiled and then squeezed her eyes shut when she felt the large needle pierce her skin.

"30 more seconds." said Dr. Andrews. It hurt Nate to see Kensi in this position again. She'd barely gotten out before, and now here she was, again confined to a bed and always had to have someone she knew with her at all times.

"There we go. All set." said the doctor, pulling out the syringe and placing a small Band-Aid on where the syringe was. She touched Kensi's shoulder lightly. "You did great. I'll be back later tonight to see if you need anything else." she looked at Nate. "I can go bring in her visitors now if you want."

Nate nodded and the doctor left the room. He helped Kensi adjust herself on the bed again and kissed her cheek. "You doing good, Kensi?"

"I'm good." she sighed. And then Sam, Callen, Nell, Hetty and... Deeks walked in. Kensi's eyes immediately began tearing up when she saw Nell; the person who almost died that day because of her actions…there was a deep bruise coloring her neck where Hayden had wrapped an arm around her. Nell noticed that and she immediately ran over to Kensi and pulled her into a gentle hug, as Kensi began sobbing into her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Nell!" she cried. "I almost killed you, and I couldn't-"

"Shh, Shh. It's okay, Kensi. You didn't kill me, and you weren't even hurting me. That was Hayden." comforted the red headed pixie as she held her crying friend. After a while, she pulled away and wiped the tears off of Kensi's face. "We brought you a few stuff also, so your room isn't all bland." she smiled.

Sam came over and pinched her cheek lightly…he really was the mother of the group. "Good to see you breathing, Kens."

"Barely." she added, patting Sam's arm. Callen sat down in the chair on her other side. "Kens, as long as you're safe, that's all that matters, okay? You'll get better. I know Badass Blye doesn't go down without a fight."

Kensi smiled lightly at the sound of the infamous nickname she was given, but it was weird coming from Callen's mouth. She always seemed to hear it coming from her partner's voice. And there he stood, scratches and all.

Tears flooded both of their eyes as they made eye contact with each other. Their team noticed this and moved aside. Deeks rushed into her arms, and they both began crying together.

"Oh thank god you're alive." whispered Deeks, his tears of relief flowing down his cheeks as he pulled back from her arms to lean his forehead against hers.

"I heard your screams over the link they sent." she sobbed, running her hand through his soft, fluffy hair. "I didn't know what to do next, and then I knew Hayden had to and…and I tried so hard to fight her." Kensi whispered brokenly

"It's okay, Kens. You are you, Kensi Marie Blye and that is all that matters. You won Kensi, he beat her." he said, stroking her raven curls, and then pulling her into a soft kiss.

The team tried to avert their eyes but the room was only so big, it was Hetty who cleared her throat ending the happy scene in front of everybody. When Deeks stood up Kensi looked to Hetty, her eyes sad and confused.

"Why didn't you shoot me Hetty? Hayden was winning, I was disappearing, I could have killed…"

"Because Ms. Blye," Hetty said cutting of the woman she thought of as a daughter. "Only you Kensi would tell me to shoot you under the guise of Hayden, while Hayden herself would have killed everyone in the room just to be free again, and as you can see," she said motioning around the room to her Alpha team with a small motherly smile she turned back to the broken female agent. "I think I made the right call."

"Thank you, Hetty." yawned Kensi as her mind grew wearer. A sharp pain came through her ribs, and she clutched it and took a deep breath. She then felt a wave of peace wash over her, and she realized someone (most likely Deeks) pressed the pain relief button, sending the drugs into her system.

"See you soon, Kens." whispered one of her teammates before she fell into a deep slumber.

Deeks sat in the halls of the hospital, after trying a few times to get back into Kensi's room. Her doctor was super strict about visitation, saying only Nate and "other specialists" were allowed in after visiting hours.

But that doctor probably didn't really know what they both went through, but he ignored it and waited. Sleep began to catch up on him, but he pushed it away. He needed to be there for her; she was his everything, and she needed him. He needed her.

But it was single scream that woke him up from his daze. And it came from Kensi's room. Deeks immediately burst in, and found Kensi tossing around; trying to break free from the drugs and her nightmares. He rushed to her side and pressed the call button repeatedly and started trying to talk to her; in hopes that she'd wake up.

"Kensi, Kensi, Fern, hang on. Listen to me, it's not real, okay? It's-"

"What are you doing in here, Mr. Deeks? Didn't I-" and then the doctor noticed her patient. Dr. Andrews immediately ran to her side and along with the few nurses that came down, started yelling out orders and Nate rushed in as well.

"Get out, Mr. Deeks!" yelled Andrews. She snapped at a nurse and Deeks was pushed out, under his protests. So he watched from behind the closed door as she was suffering, and surrounded.

It was Hayden again. She began taunting her, except she was torturing Deeks, and everyone else she ever loved. Kensi tried breaking out of it, but it felt like someone had closed the lid on a fish tank that was filling up with water. And Kensi felt like she was drowning.

The drugs that they used for the pain were terrible, and at once she snapped awake, and found Nate, Dr. Andrews and a few nurses all in front of her. She didn't want any of them here, only Nate.

"Leave." she said, wiping her remaining tears away. "Everybody accept Nate out."

"Ms. Blye, I'm afraid-" started a nurse.

"LEAVE!" she screamed, which burned like hell in her ribs. Kensi kicked her covers off, and tried getting out, but Nate pulled her down.

"I don't want to have to call them back in, do I?" he said, pulling the covers back over her. He held her close, her head leaning on his chest, as a single tear fell from her eye.

"Make it stop, Nate." she whimpered, as though she was a scared little 5 year old. "I can't get her to stop."

"I'll help you, Kens. Don't worry, everyone is going to help." he comforted, rubbing her back. "Dr. Andrews set up a meeting with the hospital psychology team, see if they-"

"I only trust you, Nate. I don't want anyone else talking to me." she said, looking him in the eyes.

"They're trained to deal with cases like yours, Kensi. Way more then I am." he admitted. "I'll be there, but you just need to need to let them help you."

"You know I hate therapists. They don't help in any damn way." she grunted. "I want Deeks back in here."

"You know the rules, kiddo." said Nate, even though he'd much rather have Deeks in here at the moment.

"Like I give a shit about the rules, Nate. Studies have shown that patients have a better chance of recovering with loved ones by their side. And I need my loved one here now...I need Marty to be here."


	8. Hidden Secrets

**Warning: Mentions of torture and rape. If you aren't comfortable with those two items, please skip the italics.**

**Hey kids, we're back, and we've got a chapter for ya! My inspiration flow has gone a little dry for the time being, but hopefully Athena has something in mind. And if she doesn't, we can have another one of our fabulous brainstorm sessions! Or, if you guys have any idea of how you want this story to go, scenes, etc., please do not be afraid to step forward.**

**Thank you for being fabulous!**

**-lovedaniruah**

**First off so so so sorry for the absence, my inspiration as well has been a bit nonexistent, I blame college lol. But we are back with another chapter.**

**As for Solitude an there is no light in this darkness, I really hope to have new chapters up within the next week, hopefully. Now on to the story!**

**-A. Grayson**

**Hidden Secrets**

Chapter 8

Kensi sat in a small conference room, with at least 5 pyschs, who were the worst. The questions all came at her, all of them at once, and they asked her for memories she never wanted to access.

One of them, a middle aged woman with a long dirty blonde bob, suggested that Nate leave, in order to not have her be bound, but Kensi erupted and told them Nate was the only one she wanted here and that if he left, she would leave. The pyschs took that down too, the scratching of their pens as they judged her was slowly starting to piss her off; who were they to judge her, they don't know her or what she has been through.

"What is the worst thing that happened when you were in this other ego?" asked one of the psychologists, with an unbelieving tone. Kensi feared this question the most, but she knew that it would arise…. She never ever wanted to think about it...

* * *

_"Shut up, you worthless pig!" she screamed, as she whipped her prisoner, the sound of the whip still fresh I her mind, and the oh so delicious scream of pain that emanated from the nameless man…._

**_Hours_ Earlier**

_They were in Yemen, and as Hayden and another Bergh group soldier, Aleksi, the former KGB soldier, were conducting surveillance on a target when Hayden spotted a man looking at them, something about his was vaguely, he was definitely American and he was of well build, his hair a bit long and a worried look on his face…but she couldn't pin point why he looked like someone she knew…_

_They made eye contact and Hayden stilled, she may not know the man but Kensi did and that just wouldn't do, before Aleksi could say a thing Hayden took off, running to her battered Toyota truck with the machine gun in its back and chased after him, leaving the targets; a CIA officer and key witness in a massacre and the Bergh Group was hired to take them out._

_She raced through the streets, and trapped the man in an alley, and brought them out to the Bergh Group base they'd set up there._

_"Listen, you have 10 minutes to tell me, who you are and why you were watching us. If we find out you lied, or that it wasn't the whole truth, expect to find yourself in a cargo hold headed for an auction!" she threatened, and hit her prisoner, who was tied to the chair and already bleeding, with the butt of her whip. The man looked up her with sad eyes._

_"What happened to you?" he choked out before she struck him again, harder this time._

_She pulled her arm back to bring the whip back down when her earpiece buzzed. "Burns, my office, now." said her boss, Montoya, who was in charge of the Bergh Group's operations in the Middle East._

_Hayden went out of the cage and down the dark hallway to the end, where her boss' office stood. Even Hayden was a bit scared of Montoya, he was leader of the Middle East group because he was very creative in the ways he goes about…disposing of people. Kensi, who was locked in a dark place in her mind, was terrified of what was going to happen to her, she just wanted out, she want to go back to America…back home. Hayden was starting to let her see a bit, but not take control, it was a way of taunting her and torturing her and Kensi couldn't take it anymore._

_Hayden opened the door, and sitting behind his desk, with his feet on it, was Jorge Montoya._

_The door automatically locked behind her, and she felt a few men grab her and bound her hands. "Just hang her up on the hook, gentlemen. I'll do the rest, just wait outside."_

_The men obeyed, and Hayden immediately left, leaving a scared and frightened Kensi there to fend for herself. Montoya walked over to her, and pulled of her shoes, and then began cutting off her pants._

_"No, NO, NO! STOP, PLEASE!" she said, flailing around, but he ignored it, and her legs were bare and freezing. "Oh, poor you princess. Your little Antonio isn't here to save you."_

_She made herself black out before she could remember anything else, it was the one thing from her training that she could use in this situation._

_When she woke up again, she was still Kensi, and she was freezing, and in so much pain. She tried moving, but cried out when she did. She looked down, and found cuts, and bruises on her legs, and she had no clothes, only thin, torn blanket was on the cement floor. She winced as she moved across, and wrapped herself in it._

_It was all cement, she was in a small cell, and she knew immediately that she was in the Hole, she disobeyed orders. Kensi began to wonder if they had forgotten about her… "Do not be a fool!" Hayden yelled. "I am one of their best assassins of course they didn't forget about me." She scoffed._

_Kensi shook her head when she heard the small door that meager food was tossed through and someone tossed in a dress, long and black, and a scrap of bread. Kensi sat there, too tired and weak to move._

_She remembered what happened just before she blacked out those few weeks ago, and she shook of fear. Montoya... she couldn't even think the word. She looked down, and started crying._

_"Take the dress you idiot, I have work that I need to do and but weight back on your sorry ass!" said Hayden, reappearing. "I bet that time with Montoya was sure fun." Kensi reached for it, and then slowly and painfully put it on. It was big on her now very malnourished body but it gave hope that her time in the Hole as they called it was over, and she could count her ribs. She ate a bit of the bread and went back to the corner._

_She knew she disobeyed orders, but that man was following them, and she couldn't have anyone expose her…maybe that wasn't true, it wasn't Kensi who ran after the man it was Hayden…Hayden didn't want to be exposed…Kensi just desperately wanted to be found…to be saved and yet she knew that she didn't get the knight in shining armor…she got Hayden and she was the only thing keeping Kensi alive…_

* * *

Kensi woke up, and found herself lying on an examination table. She was wearing a thin robe, and she wondered how she got there.

"Good, you're awake." said a voice, which Kensi guessed belonged to a woman. She looked up, and there was Dr. Andrews, sitting on a chair near her. "You passed out during your meeting, and we just had to check to see if it wasn't anything serious."

Kensi didn't say anything. She wanted Deeks back here now. "My partner." she whispered.

"Oh. Mr. Deeks said he'll be here in a few minutes. But another visitor is going to come in and see you first." said the doctor, and adjusted the table, so that she was sitting up, and left the room.

Kensi kept her eyes on the door, and when it opened, she saw the same person who gave her the beating a few days ago, the same person Hayden was engaged to. Antonio.

Her eyes grew wide in fear, and she jumped off the table and onto the floor. Her legs were obviously not strong enough yet….Deeks….where was he….nonono

"Good morning, Hayden. Or should I say, Special Agent Kensi Blye?" he smiled, locking the door behind him.

"Get away from me, you monster!" screamed Kensi, as she tried to run, but he grabbed her and threw her against the wall. Kensi's head hit the wall, and she felt the pain vibrate through her skull.

"Now, now, Kensi," he hissed, his disgusting breath blowing into her face. "You shouldn't run from me. You loved me, I saved you from that place…I killed Montoya and this is how you repay me?!" Kensi started looking up, and trying to move away from him, but the farthest was a few millimeters and into the wall. He moved closer. "I knew there was something fishy about you, but boy, when I saw you kill, I saw a new person. I thought to myself, 'There is no way she can be a cop'. And then, a year later, in Yemen, I saw what you did. You purposely went after that man, even if it meant losing those targets, and facing Montoya's wrath, was it to save the targets?" he pretended to think long and hard before he shook his head. "No, I do not think that is it…

"I learned a good bit of information about that mission in Yemen…did you know that there were Navy Seals waiting in wait…they were going to save you. When I saw you again, I was convinced to finally end you," he pulled out a Swiss Army knife, and Kensi, with all of her strength, pushed him away, and screamed at the top of her lungs, "DEEEEKKKKSSS!"

* * *

Deeks was in the hall when he heard his name being screamed. Not any scream, the voice of the person he cared about most. When he saw them carrying her out of her meeting with the psychologists on a stretcher, he was scared enough.

He raced down the hall with his gun and kicked open the door, and found a little man on the ground. He pulled out a gun, and as Deeks shot the man, he fell. His torturer. He went over to feel his pulse, and then saw Kensi.

On the floor herself, breathing heavily as a patch of blood grew bigger and bigger coming from a head wound and a deep cut just under her collarbone.

"Damn it, Kensi!" he yelled as he got down on the floor. There was Dr. Andrews behind them. "Oh my god, get a gurney!" she yelled into the hall. Deeks picked her up and put her on and watched as she was rolled away again.

What did Kensi ever do to deserve this? How did she hide all of this from him…he just wanted to see her smile…


End file.
